Big Girls Don't Cry

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I'm gonna be a "big girl" next year.
I'm gonna do a lot of things I've never done before.
I'm looking forward to getting a place of my own, which I'm going to spurce up, and clean up.

No curfews.

I'm getting out of my comfort zone of having a driver, and having a mommy to prepare packed lunches. I'll be paying for my bills, I'll be cooking my meals, I'll be washing and pressing my clothes. I'm gonna have to figure out how to work the rice cooker. I have to spend for everything on a limited budget.

I won't see my dear friends for a long time.

My mom will surely miss me, but she has taken an interest in using the computer and will soon be using Skype quite proficiently soon.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do

My mom, though with difficulty, is being a "big girl" herself by being supportive. She really makes an effort to unlearn her separation anxiety when it comes to us her kids. I think she understands that while it seems I'm wriggling out of her folded motherly wings, there is nothing wrong with her. I might not say it but she is perfect. And I love her. I need to let her know.

As for my friends, we'll keep in touch. I'm sure.

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now

It's about time.

And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

I will try not to.

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

The mere thought of living alone in a new city exhilarates me. Of course, I must admit that I'm looking at acquaintances and friends to help me. I need to know that I have someone who will let me swim into the current and yet, I know, will throw me an inflatable, or even pluck me out just to keep my from drowning. Yes, knowing I have that makes me a bit braver.

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Of course, things could, as much as I won't want them to, go wrong.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry

Who knows I might even find love? Meet someone? (Bring white dress then? Haha!)

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine

But I will guard my heart

Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too

as much as I can.

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But I know what I'm in Sydney for.

But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

To be a big girl.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

The fruit and the seed

It is near the end of the day, another Christmas passes. It was a particularly tiring Christmas season, physically and emotionally as well. I was pleased that I had several hours of rest, just staying home and leisurely chatting with family members. There were a few incidents which almost made me decide to just hole up inside the house and not perform the usual Christmas obligations of receiving Christmas well-wishers, or more accurately, namamasko. (I got irked when I heard that there was someone who was claiming to be my inaanak, when I know I keep track of my godchildren, listing down their names and other birth details. Of course, there are my godchildren who are children of really close friends and there are those who get me as their child's god parent just because. There was an instance I got a surprise invitation to be ninang, on the day of the child's binyag, and at the same time borrowed the family van. Kainis, cause she made me feel I was being made ninang just so she could borrow the car. Hay.)

Good thing I spoke to a friend who gave me good counsel, so I went on visiting our relatives who live nearby. It was good decision, cause they received me well and we were able to catch up. I thought I had lost the Christmas spirit of giving and loving. And yet I know I could have given more and loved more.

Searching for answers and yes, admonition, I sought the Bread of Life, and found this.

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. John 8:11-15 (TNIV)

I fear that I may have been one who heard but does not allow the seed to grow in me because of distractions: worries, doubt, fear, hurt, comforts and privileges. I do not want this, no.

And so, here is my prayer for 2008: Oh Lord, make a good soil. Make me bear good fruit.

Amen.

Wrng Speling

Now, I'm sure reading that gave you a headache.

As I write this, I have heaps (well, just a small heap) of unwrapped gifts waiting for my attention in our living room. Talk about procrastinating at Christmas time. These are gifts for inaanaks and relatives who I'll see tomorrow on Christmas day. Also bunched along with the unwrapped gifts are gifts I bought for my other inaanaks, already wrapped but I haven't written on the card.

Some of the gifts I bought from Rustan's, and so I had to take out that small piece of paper on which a description of the gift was written. Here us just some of what they wrote, I'll see if you can guess what the gifts are:

1. berr
2. gerup
3. cup O.C. - the box is a rectangular one which in no way would fit a cup
4. cuplings

Anybody hazard a guess what the gifts are?

Okay. Not to prolong your agony, here they are:

No. 1 is not an alcoholic beverage (wala nun sa Rustan's) but a fluffy animal, usually brown, and Mr. Bean has one;

No. 2 is also a stuffed animal with a very long neck; and

No. 3 is a beret, which is not even a cap.

No. 4, you have to guess. Really.

I couldn't help but roll laughing when I read these. How on earth will I be able to know which gifts are for whom if I had not remembered what are the stuff I bought. I particularly had a hard time figuring out No. 3. O.C. stands for Oleg Cassini, by the way.

My friend also told me that he went to Powerbooks and asked the customer service to search for books about the Supreme Court. He got into an argument as the girl spelled "Supreme" as "Supream." Sigh.

Come to think of it, this is really not a laughing matter. Considering that most of these stores hire those who are at lease high school graduates, it is alarming that they were able to finish 10 years of schooling not being able to spell "cap," "bear" and "giraffe" correctly. It makes me wonder if these people are able to read, or maybe reading is easier to learn than spelling. I'm not nitpicking at English skills as they could very well be bright and smart but not good in English. The thing is their lack of proficiency speaks of the quality of teaching they receive. Who knows if they are being taught proper math? No wonder less and less public school student are able to pass the UPCAT. This is really bad.

Last kuwento. I was following up the repairshop on the repair of a friend's car. When asked, the account officer told me that the car has already been brought to the "tint mint." Not being too familiar with car repairs, I asked her to repeat to me where the car has been brought, and also asked her what a "tint mint" is. Yun daw ang tawag nila dun. Hmn... Okay, since I was gonna email the update to my friend, I asked her to spell for me "tint mint." Exasperated, she nonetheless indulged me in my request. So she goes:

T-I-N-S-M-I-T

Huh? There seems to be something wrong, so I asked her to spell it again. She does but she helps me a bit by saying, "yung sa latero, Ma'am." Oh! Tinsmith! Geesh. She gave me the number of the person in charge of the repair, I thanked her, put down the phone and started laughing. I'm so bad! When I called the guy who was in charge, he said that indeed, the car was with the tinsmith.

Oh well...

Hey, Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Lea Salonga in Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella

Tickets are now available online at Ticketnet.

This year

This has been an incredible year.

I started the year with an attempt to spend a few of my free hours as a volunteer of an NGO but it is just too bad their schedule seems to be custom fit for college students who have free time on their hands during weekends. Since I've already alloted my weekends to my Chinese classes at the Confucius Institute, I was left with no time left for it and had to give it up. Maybe until the next opportunity for volunteerism comes along...

Speaking of my Chinese classes, I was able to finish up to Level 3 of Basic Mandarin and was able to use a bit of it in Hong Kong. I started Level 4 but since I had a lot of social activities in the second half of the year, I decided to give it up too. Geesh. At least I know when to stop.

Oh, speaking of stopping. For this year, I had two (2) dates, one of which became a friend at least. Stop. That's not bad. And so, zero (0) boyfriend but still, lots and lots of friends. Happy!

I got hooked on Facebook, I saw lots of movies (finally watched an Imax movie, I loved Stardust, and I wouldn't forget the Australian Filmfest movies), listened to a lot of songs (my favorites for this year are When It Was Over by Sara Groves and Umbrella by Rihanna), watched a few plays (Zsazsa Zaturnnah again, and Romolus D'Grayt), read a few good books, bought nice clothes and shoes (three cheers for Tung Chung a.k.a. City Gate outlet stores!!!), tried new restaurants (notable ones are People's Palace, Gaudi, and the life-saving Tsui Wah), and of course, I got to travel to Hong Kong and went to HK Disneyland!

On the professional front, things are kinda slow in the office and I know that I could have done things better. But then again, there are a lot of things going on in the office which my duty as lawyer proscribes me to write about it. Never mind. Erase.

I really have nothing to complain about. The love and care of friends were much felt this year. I was invited to four (4) weddings (Lisa's, where I was maid of honor, Annelle's, China's, and Alfred's), got three (3) new godchildren (Asti, Atheena, Celine), listened to an equal number of raves and rants (hey, not bad), made new friendships (Maritel, Djong), renewed old ties (Amer, Grace, Kiten, my Facebook friends: Winlawers and ex-SyCip friends), and fortified existing ones (Monette, PLIFS, my dear blockmates, my kumares and kumpares, Tara, Mai, Gerrome & Cel). Even if I sometimes sob about being left behind by friends who have their own lives, their own quirks and faults, truth is I know that they really love and appreciate me, and they really exert so much effort to be there for me. I love you guys!

Special mention must be made about this friendship which I believe I have strengthen this year - my friendship with Him. He's always been there, waiting for me, trying to catch my attention and always waiting for me to listen to what He has to say. It is just simply amazing that He found a way to reach me. Even though I get too caught up with myself at times, I just reach for His word and, believe me, he tells me exactly what I need to hear. I wouldn't say I was nicer this year, in a nice vis-a-vis naughty Santa Claus sense. It is just that he made it easier to get up after the fall this year. When I get lonely, when I feel my dear friends are caught up in their own lives and I am left alone, after some fine tuning, it was easier to "tune-in" to him. Really, He's always ready to listen, and believe me, He speaks to me. it makes me smile when I think about it. =)

And speaking of Him, he has also opened a lot of doors for me this year. I believe that there is a reason why he gave me the gift, the responsibility, and the opportunity to study in Sydney next year. Every step that I took to get into the school and get the scholarship, he led me into touching other people's lives. I learned how good it feels to hold someone's hand in a journey (Chester, we made it and I owe you a lot! I am happy and grateful to be your dear, dear friend). I renewed ties with dear old friends and bosses. I discovered the goodness in the heart of people I did not expect such kindness from. I learned to be patient and forgiving. I took a big leap out of my comfort zone by learning to trust on Him that he will pour forth his blessings. It is really amazing. I believe that even if I did not get the scholarship, I would still be as grateful as I am today. The entire experience is already a blessing in itself. Now that almost all is set, I am preparing myself how I can make use of this opportunity to be a worthy servant to Him.

I am not scared. I trust in Him. I trust in the love of my family and friends. I am so blessed.