Dear Rocky

For those who have read my Date Dissecting and Postscript on Date Dissecting posts, I thought I ought to let you know that yes, I have already gone out on dates after that and I'm happy to report that one has become an acquaintance and the other, a friend, at the very least.

Let's talk about the "friend". I did promise myself that I would not blog about him as he may be reading this post right this very moment and I'd be certainly embarassed. And so, to be prudent, I will leave this message for him:

Hi Rocky (not his real name)! If you happen to be reading this post right now, promise me you will pretend that you have not read this post and you will not give me a "I know something" smile when we see each other again.

It took more than a year, one and a half year to be exact, before friends thought of introducing me to their single friends. I'm not complaining though as I was busy doing other enjoyable stuff and spent much of my time with dear, dear friends during that one and a half year. But let's talk about Rocky - he is a great guy. I must say at the outset that there is nothing romantic going on between us. So if you are reading this and expecting to read a love story, please direct your attention to the right column portion of this blog and check out my blogroll to find some other things worth reading.

Disclaimers having been made, I just couldn't help but make comments on how he behaved himself during the date. (I will not write any further though about the other time we saw each other as this post is really to illustrate an example of a good date behavior.) I know the stuff I'll write would seem to be normal and customary for others that they won't be noteworthy at all. But I'm writing this as a late bloomer who has never dated until after finishing post-graduate studies - so bear with me.

Rocky seems to be a guy who is learned in the ways of dating and it is really nice to discover that it seems that both of us have in mind that dating should be an opportunity to make new friends. Unlike that guy who got my number but never texted and the other guy who didn't even get my number, seemingly out of fear that I'll perceive that as him being enamored with me, Rocky got my number and sent messages after our first meeting. During the date, which was chaperoned by the way, Rocky was not merely talking about himself but he was asking me some questions too. I don't know if it was his style or it was true, but his earlier declaration of not being able to stay long and his later staying long afterall was sweet. Intentional or not, it was flattering to feel that my company made him change his mind about leaving early to do other stuff. Rocky of course, footed the bill. I thought this was normal and I didn't even offered to pay, but my friends said that in some group dates, every one shares in the bill. The next time we went out, and I was even the one who invited him, he again paid the bill even if I offered to pay (oops, I said I won't say anything outside of the first meeting, but oh well...). I guess there are no hard and fast rules on this. Going back to the first meeting, Rocky was attentive - he listens and he remembered when I said I like lamb and offerred it to me as soon as the meal arrived. We even had coffee after the dinner. As we parted, Rocky and I gave each other a cheek to cheek and he said let's meet again when he is in the area where I work. True or not, I consider that a nice gesture on his part. And he sounded really sincere.

I know, I know it seems strange to rave about the stuff he did that night and he'd probably say he was just doing what he was supposed to do but let's face it, real gentlemen are dwindling in numbers and guys who are confident, self-assured and attentive are sadly, hard to come by. True, there are lots of nice guys out there but while Rocky is nice, he didn't fall into the trap of treating me like pare and not a girl. Other guys who are out on a date sometimes swing to the other extreme of coming across as asexual by trying to be friendly. Rocky was able to pull off being a gentleman by making me feel like I'm a girl that we gained friendship that meeting without him crossing the line and becoming a potential, and I'm going to borrow this title - paasa king.

I remembered an old friend telling me that he felt like he and his guy bestfriend were so clueless with girls that there seems to be a manual which they don't have a copy of. And to think this old friend was really, really good looking (he has moviestar genes) to think of himself as being unable or incapacitated to get the girl he likes. And honestly, his style as he relayed them to me seemed like he has taken a leaf from a stalker.

Dating is really a tricky tricky game. But it is fun, when you know how it is played. Rocky knows how, that's for sure. For whatever it is worth, going out with him is a confidence building measure for me, reassuring me that I CAN behave like a girl and be treated like a girl, and that there are still nice, decent, normal, gentlemen out there. Being around him, I realized I have a tendency to always act like the bestfriend in the movies and not like the leading lady (of course, I got this from The Holiday). A dear friend who is now married likened Rocky to a guy she once dated who, even if they both knew it will not go anywhere near the altar, gave her the confidence to go out there and meet people. Without need to determine if there is or there isn't any future for us, I think Rocky gave me that confidence too.