Love, Love, Love
A week ago, I was the maid of honor at my friends' wedding. I was actually the one who introduced them and it was my first and, so far, only success at matchmaking. It was the first wedding I attended this year but definitely not the last as I will also be attending two more weddings on March 2 and March 17. My wedding schedule for 2007 goes this far as my next weddings are on March 29 and September 2008 - so far. Since graduating from law school, I have attended so many weddings, baptisms, 1st birthday parties, and visited so many newly born babies and their mommies at the hospitals (enough to scare the wits out of me). In all these events, I find my heart swelling with joy, seeing how much love is swirling in the air - it is actually intoxicating, contagious.
One of my favorite movies is Love Actually. I love it so much I actually bought an original DVD of the movie and watched it several times, including the deleted scenes which were cut to fit the movie into a commercial length. In the opening scene, you would hear the voice of the Prime Minister, played by Hugh Grant, saying these lines:
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
Love is indeed all around, no matter how easily angered people seem to be, no matter how selfish intentions seems to drive others. People's lives are driven by love, they just don't notice it. Or sometimes, their love for themselves hides real love.
Valentine's day is a few days away and I couldn't help but be reminded that I have never received a proper Valentine's day bouquet from a loved one, for a simple reason that I never had someone special during that day. Nonetheless, I will not concede that all my valentine's days were loveless. In fact, all my days are filled with love, it's just that I sometimes fail to see it when I fail to appreciate what real love is.
So what is love? Love is best described by St. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, and I quote:
Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous nor conceited nor proud. Love is not ill-mannered, nor selfish, nor irritable. Love does not keep a record or wrongs. Love is not happy with evil, but it is happy with the truth. Love never gives up. Its faith, hope and patience never fails. Love is eternal. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Reading the passage, it is noteworthy that it does not say that you will always be happy if you have love, or that you will be loved back if you give love. There are no guarantees. Love as defined by St. Paul foresees difficulties in loving, imperfections on the person who is the object of your love, competition from others who seek the attention of your loved one, and necessarily, pain and a lot of anguish. Afterall, one could not claim to be patient or kind unless he has faced a test of patience or kindness and prevailed over it. The definition likewise does not epitomize the person who is giving love as someone who is perfect and faultless, thus the necessity of the reminder that someone who loves is not jealous, not proud, not conceited. Love is really not about being loved back but about giving oneself to another and putting his/her interests and welfare above self. It is about forgiveness, not once, but many, many times. It is about being relentless in pursuing the person you love not to have him or her only for yourself but in order to show him/her that you are putting his/her happiness, welfare and interest first. Love is difficult, but more so if you resist to embrace its consequences and realize what it is all about.
Knowing what love really is about, I find consolation. I may not be able to claim for myself that someone loves me, or is mad about me, but I can truly say that I know what love is about. It is about being happy by just being around THAT person, seeing he/she is well, physically and spiritually, and being happy yourself just for the simple fact that you are doing something him. And all of these you do not because you expect to be loved back in return, although you do hope that of course, but just because. Who says love is love only if it is reciprocated? Indeed, unrequited love is a potential agony but only if you fail to see beyond yourself. Love is not about you, it is about that person you love. And consequently, loving someone who doesn't feel the same way means learning to let go of that love. After all, love can be a burden to someone who could not return the feeling.
I once walked away from a situation because the one I love couldn't love me back. He asked that I attend his wedding so that he will know for sure that I am alright. So I did. Even if I wasn't well, I knew I had to be brave because I knew he wanted me to be happy, he wanted to see I was over it. After that, I uprooted myself from that situation which would allow us to spend a lot of time and made a fresh start. I never regretted letting him know how I feel about him, neither did I ever regret going to his wedding. Now, several years after, I see him as a friend entirely and I do not have any feelings of pain whenever I would bump into him with his wife. I wondered if I would ever love someone as much, to be able to throw away pride, conceit and jealousy, and to be able to face the truth.
I have faith and I look forward to the day when the person I love would delight in the mere fact that I exist, that I breathe, that I live. It took a long time to get here and I am happy to find myself to be not in a hurry. In God's perfect time, He will bring him to me, shaped and honed to be able to accept me for who I am and still love me. Until that time comes, I will not stop loving, I will not give up on love. I know I will cry again soon, nobody knows when but heck, love is not about me. Love is about the other person. Love is not what is taken but what is given.
Love actually is... selfless.
One of my favorite movies is Love Actually. I love it so much I actually bought an original DVD of the movie and watched it several times, including the deleted scenes which were cut to fit the movie into a commercial length. In the opening scene, you would hear the voice of the Prime Minister, played by Hugh Grant, saying these lines:
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
Love is indeed all around, no matter how easily angered people seem to be, no matter how selfish intentions seems to drive others. People's lives are driven by love, they just don't notice it. Or sometimes, their love for themselves hides real love.
Valentine's day is a few days away and I couldn't help but be reminded that I have never received a proper Valentine's day bouquet from a loved one, for a simple reason that I never had someone special during that day. Nonetheless, I will not concede that all my valentine's days were loveless. In fact, all my days are filled with love, it's just that I sometimes fail to see it when I fail to appreciate what real love is.
So what is love? Love is best described by St. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, and I quote:
Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous nor conceited nor proud. Love is not ill-mannered, nor selfish, nor irritable. Love does not keep a record or wrongs. Love is not happy with evil, but it is happy with the truth. Love never gives up. Its faith, hope and patience never fails. Love is eternal. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Reading the passage, it is noteworthy that it does not say that you will always be happy if you have love, or that you will be loved back if you give love. There are no guarantees. Love as defined by St. Paul foresees difficulties in loving, imperfections on the person who is the object of your love, competition from others who seek the attention of your loved one, and necessarily, pain and a lot of anguish. Afterall, one could not claim to be patient or kind unless he has faced a test of patience or kindness and prevailed over it. The definition likewise does not epitomize the person who is giving love as someone who is perfect and faultless, thus the necessity of the reminder that someone who loves is not jealous, not proud, not conceited. Love is really not about being loved back but about giving oneself to another and putting his/her interests and welfare above self. It is about forgiveness, not once, but many, many times. It is about being relentless in pursuing the person you love not to have him or her only for yourself but in order to show him/her that you are putting his/her happiness, welfare and interest first. Love is difficult, but more so if you resist to embrace its consequences and realize what it is all about.
Knowing what love really is about, I find consolation. I may not be able to claim for myself that someone loves me, or is mad about me, but I can truly say that I know what love is about. It is about being happy by just being around THAT person, seeing he/she is well, physically and spiritually, and being happy yourself just for the simple fact that you are doing something him. And all of these you do not because you expect to be loved back in return, although you do hope that of course, but just because. Who says love is love only if it is reciprocated? Indeed, unrequited love is a potential agony but only if you fail to see beyond yourself. Love is not about you, it is about that person you love. And consequently, loving someone who doesn't feel the same way means learning to let go of that love. After all, love can be a burden to someone who could not return the feeling.
I once walked away from a situation because the one I love couldn't love me back. He asked that I attend his wedding so that he will know for sure that I am alright. So I did. Even if I wasn't well, I knew I had to be brave because I knew he wanted me to be happy, he wanted to see I was over it. After that, I uprooted myself from that situation which would allow us to spend a lot of time and made a fresh start. I never regretted letting him know how I feel about him, neither did I ever regret going to his wedding. Now, several years after, I see him as a friend entirely and I do not have any feelings of pain whenever I would bump into him with his wife. I wondered if I would ever love someone as much, to be able to throw away pride, conceit and jealousy, and to be able to face the truth.
I have faith and I look forward to the day when the person I love would delight in the mere fact that I exist, that I breathe, that I live. It took a long time to get here and I am happy to find myself to be not in a hurry. In God's perfect time, He will bring him to me, shaped and honed to be able to accept me for who I am and still love me. Until that time comes, I will not stop loving, I will not give up on love. I know I will cry again soon, nobody knows when but heck, love is not about me. Love is about the other person. Love is not what is taken but what is given.
Love actually is... selfless.
Labels: Love
posted by wernicke @ 6:38:00 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
It's a joy to read your blog.
Shucks, bakit wernicke din ang name mo? I'm the real wernicke! But thanks for your comment anyway. =)
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