Date dissecting

Just finished reading "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason", which I started yesterday, the day when my being Singleton, to borrow from Helen Fielding, has been fortified. I should have sensed my optimistic thoughts about joining dating scene is unfounded. First bad omen was yesterday morning's discovery that the guy who was flirting with me over the net last weekend is married. Not that I believed what he told me, as I do remember taking everything he said with a grain of salt. But still, that was a clear attempt at deception, and I just hate being fooled. Though I didn't really take him seriously even if I considered him a friend way back in grade school, for purposes of prepping up my ego, there was some sort of a loss I couldn't clearly point to.

I went out on a date last night, only the third time, or to be precise, 482 days since the abrupt, very unceremonial end of my brief but eventful whirlwind love affair, initially perceived as a graduation, but turned out to be a mere leave of absence from being unattached, errr, to be very blunt, boyfriendless state. Eighteen days ago, I went out on a *very* blind date with a 30 something guy. Again, my instincts proved me correct when we were finally face to face. I spent one and a half precious hours of my life, struggling to rid us of dead air which occurs whenever I pause to give my jaws a break from trying to make conversation. He seemed fine, seemed intelligent (which is my minimum qualification) and seemed to be secure of himself. I am certain though that there was no spark between us, a few minutes into the date. I just couldn't see *us*, as even the thought makes me cringe. On my way home and a few more text messages from him made me formulate my theory on the four ways of assessing the aftermath of a date.

FIRST SCENARIO: V. GOOD DATE

The best scenario after a date is when both of you are mutually interested to see each other again, owed to the fact that you mutually enjoyed each other's company. This scenario encompasses love at first sight or at the very least, a willingness to spend a few more of each other's precious time to see if you can work out something.

SECOND SCENARIO: GOOD DATE

I think this happened to me last year, a few months after my moral disqualification from not being entitled to put "In a relationship" on my Friendster profile. I dated a doctor who was, at that time, a resident surgeon at a very reputable and always busy hospital in Manila. We kept the conversation going for three hours, effortlessly at that, though I was quick to realize the conversation was between a doctor and a lawyer who were comparing notes at how difficult our professions are. Hmnn... needless to say, I didn't get any text message from him after the date and got a "who is this?" reply from him when I greeted him a Merry Christmas. Duh. Well, no hurt feelings as I certainly wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone whose existence is more miserable than my previous miserable existence, as I already had a life outside the office at that time, thank you very much. It was a good date, still, cause I had half of my favorite pizza and had no guilt feelings whatsoever that, after the date, we will be going about our daily lives separately, permanently.

THIRD SCENARIO: BAD DATE

Awww… What I really hate is to lie and be lied to. Terrible terrible terrible. It was after my date with the 30 something guy when I formulated these four scenarios and my date with him is a certified third scenario. You see, within hours after the date, he was already asking me to have coffee, dinner, lunch, what have you the following day. Very difficult to come up with excuses, you know? Since I don't want to endure telling lies and making excuses all the time, I decided to tell him I just realized I wasn't ready to date after breaking up with my first boyfriend (partly true). I just felt it was the fair thing to do, as I wouldn't want to go out with him just because I was feeling lonely (as I wasn't) or I just want to be treated to dinner (I can pay for my own meals, you know). Bottom line is, in the end, I don't want to be accused of taking him in for a ride. I don't want to be regarded as his girlfriend de facto by mere acceptance of benefits. I've been a victim of being taken advantaged of and I certainly wouldn't want to end up hurting someone's feelings.

FOURTH SCENARIO: WORST DATE

One thing I dread more than having a bad date is of course, the worst date, which I think, happened to me last night. I had a hunch things would not go well after the discovery of the married flirting guy early in the morning. As it turns out, this one would prick my heart. Ouch. The worst date is when you find yourself liking your date who obviously has not even a slightest interest in you.

It was bad enough that we were seated beside each other, which didn't give him a chance to *really* see me as you would need to constantly twist your neck and shoulders just to look at the other person. Anyway, he seemed to be immensely enjoying his Sukhotai more than being around me. Delicious Sukhotai though. Of course, we were in the company of a couple, my law school batchmate, former officemate and his girlfriend who was my college friend. I was actually the one who introduced them to each other, probably why, of my three dates after the break-up, they were the engineers of the two. It is just exasperating that the guy didn't ask even a single question to me. He didn't really speak to me, just me! I mean, what a way to show you're not interested. I know his mind is back in the office, thinking of several overdue work which needs to be turned in by Monday. Been there, done that, as I used to be part of that firm and would do the same thing - rush off to dinner in nearby Greenbelt and go back to the office to struggle to re-commence trying to make my gray matter work. But surely, he made me feel like he was just coerced into having that lengthy dinner at Oody's.

Too bad I kinda like him. Too bad he looked like some intelligent guy friend that I kinda like. Too bad he actually is intelligent, very intelligent at that and seems to be very decent. Too bad he's taller than me and it's really difficult to find someone who's at least 5'7".

Of course, no text messages from him after the dinner as he didn't even get my mobile number. Of course, he had my number all along as our friend, his office mate had already given it to him a week ago. Oh well, sent out a few text messages to guy and girl friends scattered all over Manila, Paranaque and New York City and then went back to reading Bridget Jones. Maybe his assessment of the circumference of my thighs and the girth of my torso prevented him from seeing the inner beauty of my soul.