!ssergorp yna gnikam ton ma I

I'm currently swamped with work and can barely keep my head above water, though my present predicament is not as nearly bad as when I was in the law firm BUT still, bad.

I realized that I crack under pressure, in a manner that makes me more counterproductive. I make mistakes (or ask stupid questions which expose my follies, just like what happened seconds ago) and clam up. Yes, I clam up and feel the surge of resistance to work overwhelm me. As work continue to pile in along with the pressure from bosses to do work (I'm fine and actually do well without the pressure), the less efficient I become. It takes a lot of mind work and convincing to prod my brain into commencing work right after a stressful situation. Unreasonably, stress sources become the object of my scorn which is a shame because my co-workers in my present work are all so nice. But then again, just like at home when I do something wrong, I'd rather be yelled at or scolded for a folly rather than be treated kindly. Kind treatments when I am at fault open the floodgates of guilt which is agonizing and yes, painful. I disdain myself for being a liability to others.

And after that self-flaggelation, I think I can go back to work now.